\nWhat\nam I proud of? What can I be proud of?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nCertainly\nnot of the medal that my 10-year-old neighbour won in an\ninternational sporting event. I admire his enthusiasm. I am in awe of\nwhat he can do and how much technique it involves. None of which I\nhave contributed an iota to. What did I do so that I can be proud of\nhim?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nSame\ngoes for the drawings of other neighbours, a 6-year-old and his\nmother. I am stumped by the thought behind the pictures. The choice\nof vibrant colour-combinations amazes me. Still, not why I can be\nproud of it. I did zilch for their imagination to be where it is. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nCan\nI then be proud of my daughter\u2019s artwork? Or when the school staff\nvoluntarily tell me about my son\u2019s exemplary behaviour? I am not\nsure, you know. Who is to say that the skill and the thought-process\nare despite me and not because of me? Right? Anyway, providing an\nenabling environment is my duty as a parent, not a good-to-have for\nmy child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nSimilarly,\nif my child behaves well, should he really be getting extra points\nfor being a decent human being? Same goes for me. If he learnt to\nbehave well because I set an example, I should be proud of…being\nwhat? A nice person? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nI\nthink we deserve higher standards than that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nSee,\nI understand the sentiment. When someone tells me they are proud of\nme for something I did or my kids did, they mean well. They certainly\ndon\u2019t mean to take credit. Well, at least some of them. They like\nwhat I did and are trying to express that feeling. The word \u201cpride\u201d\nthough, doesn\u2019t cut it. And I think it is because of the \u201cI, me,\nmyself\u201d attached to the concept. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nLet\u2019s\nlook at the other usage. I should be proud of my lineage, my\ncommunity, my religion, my nation. Oh dear, no! For one, the first\nargument continues to apply\u2014what was my contribution to me being a\nBaldawa, a marwadi, a Hindu, an Indian? Being born into it? Really?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nAgain,\nI think we deserve higher standards than that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nWhat\nhave I done to make Mumbai what it stands for? Have I truly,\ncompletely understood what it means to work towards *moksha*? If I\ndid understand, would the philosophy want me to take pride in\nchoosing it, let alone being born into it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nShouldn\u2019t\nit be the other way around? I have to imbibe the qualities of what\nbeing an Indian, a Hindu, etc. mean for me to be worthy of being\ncalled one. Of course, we are talking of feeling good about\nsomething. So, this hopefully means taking on and trying to sustain\npositive qualities associated with belonging to that group. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nJust\nimagine. I am born an Indian, into a Hindu family. But I am not\nallowed to call myself one till I demonstrate the capability of\nfollowing the Indian constitution or the all-accepting tenets of\nHinduism! Ok, let me not digress. Just tell me, which\nreligion\/nation\/community is looking for a seal of approval from us?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The thought-process then drifts towards me not being able to use the word pride for soldiers at the borders, national sportspeople, doctors at the front-line of a pandemic. For many reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nOne.\nI did not contribute to their process or the result. In fact, I might\nhave been an obstacle when I, and those like me, criticised them for\nnot behaving\/performing well. These people will survive without the\npressure of having to make us feel proud. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nTwo.\nWho are we fooling? Pride is an escape. We feel proud of them, so we\ndon\u2019t need to do anything else. We don\u2019t need to be supportive of\nthem when they suffer in other ways. For instance, if a soldier\ndoesn\u2019t have access to appropriate amenities or food or a doctor to\nproper equipment, I don\u2019t need to do anything. Because we have\nabsolved ourselves by being proud of them otherwise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThree.\nIsn\u2019t there a hint of us telling them, \u201cHey, this is what you\nsigned up for. I did my bit by being proud. Don\u2019t expect more from\nme. You are supposed to fight for me, not the other way around.\u201d Of\ncourse, some of us donate and volunteer. Some raise voices even. But\nnone of these actions requires us to be proud. In fact, they need\nhumility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nSo,\nwhere does pride come from? \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nI\nhave been able to narrow it down to this\u2014pride\nseems to rest on the foundation of identity. Whatever\nseparates the group that I fall in from the others, is\nsomething I should be proud of.\nSo for a French person, being French is \u2018us\u2019 and Americans,\nAfghanis, Indians are all different versions of \u2018them\u2019. Of\ncourse, it goes further. A Parisian would belong to the \u2018us\u2019 for\nParisians, and a South Bombay-ite would be \u2018us\u2019 to people staying\nSouth of Dadar, or Bandra, is it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nWhere\ndoes this stop? At a village or a suburb? Not really, right? We have\nthe \u2018us\u2019 caste and the \u2018them\u2019 caste, the marwadis and\ngujaratis, the \u2018us\u2019 religion and the \u2018them\u2019 religion. Oh\nwait, we even have a \u2018them\u2019 apartment complex and a \u2018us\u2019\napartment complex. He he he he…this is real. Apartment complexes\nhave an \u2018us\u2019 building and a \u2018them\u2019 building. Heck! A\nhousehold would have a \u2018them\u2019 generation and a \u2018us\u2019\ngeneration!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nLet\u2019s\nhumour ourselves for a bit. Let\u2019s say that every Indian can be\nproud of what they think identifies them as an Indian. Even then,\nthere is little chance it will hold a hundred per cent. So, \u201cI love\nthe diversity that I live in,\u201d is a lovely line. I couldn\u2019t mean\nit wholly, though, could I? Because I certainly don\u2019t love all my\nneighbours. Not equally, for sure. Not to mention, there are\nnon-Indian street-smart people, and non-Indian people who are loving,\nand so on. So neither of them is an \u201cIndian-Indian\u201d trait. And I\nam sure this would hold true for any nationality, community,\nreligion, etc. Then there are so-called Indian traits\u2014like spitting\nand peeing on the road or disregard of civic sense in public life and\nprivacy in personal life\u2014that I have no inclination to be proud of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nSo,\nin reality, there can be no complete \u201cus\u201d versus \u201cthem\u201d. If\nfate hadn\u2019t made me an Indian, I would have to be proud of being an\nAmerican or a Brit or a Russian. Then what can I be proud of? The\nonly identity that I might allow myself to be proud of is the\neducation or work-space I belong to. But, that too comes from a sense\nof belonging and not necessarily pride-pride.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nOn\nthe other hand, we could hold pride responsible for so much of the\nchaos around us. The otherness it brings can be held accountable for\nthe hatred it spews. The holier-than-thou attitude it fosters on\neither side of the us-them binary. The bitterness and the violence it\nhas thrived on through the ages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nIs\nthat we like it so much? Is that why we feel we need it? So that we\nhave a reason to kill others?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nCount\nme out. I am at the other end of the spectrum. I\ndon\u2019t like the very meaning of the word and the baggage that it\ncarries. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nI\nwant the word to be relegated to a profanity, a p-word of sorts. A\nword society would frown at. Something kids are asked not to use.\nCertainly not something you would use to describe yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
~\n~ ~<\/p>\n\n\n\n
PS. I started writing this piece in September 2019. I didn\u2019t want it to be associated with any current event because the concept is not restricted to this tragedy or that. Finally, gave up. The \u2018us vs them\u2019 fervour in the country\/world just won\u2019t take a \u201cchill pill\u201d. And here we are.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My case for renaming \u201cpride\u201d to \u201cthe p-word\u201d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=195"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":197,"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195\/revisions\/197"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=195"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=195"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smritiweb.com\/meetu\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=195"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}