Movies and novels have given lots of people the mistaken idea that there is one person, a soulmate who’s perfect for them. Or at least, they’ll find someone and fall in love with that someone and the relationship will be perfect.
That’s bullshit, says Dan Savage is an internationally syndicated relationship and sex advice columnist. I’ve read Savage for years and I find his advice usually spot on. Here is a video clip of him talking about “The One”:
If you can’t see the video above, click here
You should see the whole video (it’s just 6 minutes), but here’s an excerpt to get you interested:
When you think about it, you meet somebody for the first time, and they’re not presenting, you know, their warts-and-all self to you. They’re presenting their idealized self to you. They are leading with their best. … And then eventually you’re farting in front of each other.
Eventually you get to see the person who is behind that facade of their best. … And they get to see the person behind your facade. You know, your lie self.
And what’s beautiful about a long-term relationship, and what can be transformative about it, is I pretend every day that my boyfriend is the lie that I met when I first met him. And he does the same favor to me.
And we then are obligated to live up to the lies we told each other about who we are. We are then forced to be better people than we actually are, because it’s expected of us by each other.
And you can, in a long-term relationship, really make your lie self come true. …
And that’s the only way you become ‘the one.’ It’s because somebody who is willing to pretend you are ‘the one’ that they were waiting for, ‘the one’ they wanted. Their ‘one.’