I was sitting at my computer, and suddenly, without any warning or context, the following facebook chat message from Mr. X to me popped up:

why dont u die
we dont want you here
nobody
just go

Now Mr. X is a pretty sober, and mature, Pune entrepreneur, so I instantly realized something was wrong. Assuming that his Facebook account had gotten hacked, I sent him SMS, and the following exchange ensued:

Navin to Mr. X: Did your facebook account get hacked?

Mr. X to Navin: No why?

Navin to Mr. X: Chat message you are sending me right now: why dont u die. we dont want you here. nobody. just go.

Mr. X to Navin: Jeez that was for my friend sorry haha

And on Facebook he typed:

Arre sorry
Wrong window

Abu walked past my computer when all of this was happening, and he saw the first facebook chat message from Mr. X to me.

Abu: Did somebody write that to you on Facebook?

Navin: Yes, Abu

Abu (with frown lines on his forehead): But why would somebody tell you “why dont u die.”? You are the best dad in the world.

Thank you, Mr. X, for creating this opportunity!

• Why did God make mothers?
  • [Abu]: Because if mother didn’t exist, you didn’t exist
  • [Rabad]: Because there has to be one person who scolds us every time, otherwise we will not learn
• How did God make mother?
  • [Abu]: Because he is God
  • [Rabad]: There was one more mother who made the other mother
• What kind of a little girl was your Mom?
  • [Abu]: I don’t know. But I guess she was normal. She liked books.
  • [Rabad]: Very sad girl, because if she did one mistake her mother used to hit her.
• What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
  • [Abu]: His last name, so that she knows whether her new name sounds alright.
  • [Rabad]: Did he go to college, because some people stop after 10^th and they don’t have any knowledge
• Who is the boss at your house?
  • [Abu]: Dad. Because Mamma calls him ‘Suno,’ and no one calls him by his name in the house
  • [Rabad]: No one. Because no one acts like a boss.
• What’s the difference between moms and dads?
  • [Abu]: Moms are usually kind, and Dads are usually strict.
  • [Rabad]: Mom is really strict, and Dad is really kind.
• What does mom usually do in her spare time?
  • [Abu]: Talks with me
  • [Rabad]: Sits with me
• What would it take to make your mom perfect?
  • [Abu]: Nothing. She’s already perfect
  • [Rabad]: If she gives me a lovely gift

“You know, sometimes, our leaders take money from bad people and do bad things for them. That is called corruption. Is that a good thing?”

“No”

“What should happen to leaders who are corrupt?”

“They should get punishment.”

“Correct! They should be put in jail. Who can put them in jail?”

“The police.”

“Exactly… except that they pay the police to not put them in jail. What is that called?”

“Corruption.”

That wasn’t so difficult. With the basics done, I continued with the sordid tale.

“So, many of our leaders are corrupt. And the police who are supposed to punish them are also corrupt.”

“No,” wailed Rabad, the 6-year old, “Why are you telling me these things? I get scared!”

Ouch! I did not tell her that it scares me too.

                 * * *                 

“Well, there is a guy called Anna Hazare who is telling our leaders that we should create a new group of good people, called the Lokpal, which will punish corrupt leaders and police. Do you think our leaders will listen to him?”

“Nooooo” said Abu.

“You know, our leaders did a tricky thing. They said that they will create a Lokpal. And they said that the Lokpal will have leaders in it.”

“Whoa!” said Abu, clearly seeing the conflict of interest. (He’s learnt words like “Whoa” from reading American comics and seeing TV shows.)

“What’s the problem?” asked Rabad.

“Well, suppose I create a group of people who will keep a watch on whether Abu and Rabad are eating chocolates without permission, and will punish them. And this group of people will be Abu and Rabad. Will that be a good idea?”

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” laughed Rabad, “That is such a dumb idea.”

Maybe Sonia Gandhi should spend more time with 6-year-olds. (Or maybe our voters are dumber than 6-year-olds.)

                 * * *                 

“So,” I continued, “Anna Hazare is telling our leaders that at least half the people in the Lokpal should be non-leaders and non-police.” I simplified things considerably, but accuracy is not always worth the effort. This simplification captures the spirit, I think.

“So, Pappa, is this Lokpal thing Anna Hazare’s idea?” inquired Abu.

“No. Actually, various people have been trying to create a Lokpal for a long time. 8 times they have tried, and 8 times our leaders said no. This has been going on for the last 42 years,” I said.

“And, for 28 of those last 42 years, we’ve been waiting for the Cricket World Cup!” said Abu, the 8-year-old.

Sometimes, it is rather difficult to figure out whether a statement is a non sequitur or a profound truth…

when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

Normally, I delete such ‘forwards’ without reading them, but for this one, it occurred to me that this could actually be good education for Abu and Rabad. The history of how some things evolved is so clear to us, that we somehow assume it would be clear to the kids too. But it often is not.

For example, just yesterday someone mentioned this story from some TED talk – basically a kid folded a piece of paper into half, drew a screen on one half and a keyboard on another half, and said that this was a laptop. The kid’s father pointed out that when he was a kid, these things did not exist. The kid, after pondering over this for a while, asked, “Paper did not exist when you were a kid?”

Right. So, I thought that this would be a good opportunity to give Abu/Rabad an idea of what did not exist when I was a kid. And I started reading the email to them. (I’ve reproduced the whole email at the end of this post for your reading pleasure.)

This went well. They were sufficiently interested and amazed by all the factoids. Then they started asking their own questions about the world back then:

“Did you have to wear uniforms to go to school?” wondered Abu.

“Yes,” I said, realizing that schools have changed very little in the last 30 years.

We had a long discussion about the aforementioned ‘card catalogue’ in the library, how books were arranged in the library. “Were the books all arranged alphabetically?” …

“You had cameras,” pointed out Abu, “I’ve seen photos from those days.”

“That’s correct, but our cameras did not immediately show you what the picture had come out like. We had to continue taking photos until 36 photos were done, and send it to a shop for getting the actual photos, and get the photos back 3 days later. And only then we would find out whether the photos came out alright, or out of focus or if there was any other problem.”

“Oh,” said Abu, clearly impressed by how hard the world was back then.

Then he asked this brilliant question:

“Was the world really black-and-white in those days?”

I should point out he is 8 years old.

I was nonplussed for a moment, before I burst out laughing.

“No, only our cameras were black-and-white,” I clarified. But really, when you think about it, if all the photos and all the movies from those days are black and white, would you really blame a kid for thinking that the world was black-and-white?

“Oh,” said Abu, “I thought everything was black-and-white.”

“Except the trees,” chimed in Rabad. “How can the trees have been black-and-white?”

And so it continued for a while. No DVDs. No MP3 players. Had to wait until Sunday morning for cartoons.

Rabad give me a look that brought out all shock and pity that her 6 years could muster, and said:

“The world was so unfair.”

You bet! Kids today have got it too easy…

If you are 40 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning….Uphill….barefoot… BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that I’m over the ripe old age of forty , I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn
Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3′ s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished and the tape would come undone.. Cause – that’s how we rolled, dig?

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it!

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen…. forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd
*Send this to someone you’d like to make smile, Whether they are under 40 or not.)

“Yes, I have to draw some sea animal. But I can’t draw.”

“Of course you can draw. Let me give you an idea.”

So I showed him a picture of the Manta Ray from a book we had, and I gave him tips on how could draw that; later I gave him ideas on what else he could put in the picture (seaweed, smaller fishes, etc.) He did an OK job.

The next day I asked him if he gave his homework to the teacher.

“Yes. She said it was very nicely drawed.”

“See, I told you you could draw well. Right?”

“Yes. But I don’t want to draw. I think teacher wants me to be an artist.”

“What?”

“Yes,” he said in a pained voice, as if all the woes of the world were on his head, “She is always asking me to draw this, draw that. She wants to make me an artist. I don’t want to be an artist. I want to be a cricketer. I want to be a bowler.”

so we have some 7 tubes running in and out of her. obviously the nurses didn’t want to take them on and off if she wanted to use the bathroom. so, they put on a diaper for her.

i wasn’t allowed to be with her all the time. the nurses would call me in every once in a while. in one such trip, a nurse tells me, "she just didn’t pee till we took her to the bathroom"

me – yeah, i can imagine that.

rabad called me to her with a broad smile – mamma, they told me that if i don’t pee in the diaper, they’ll give me an injection. right, as if they can do that…they were trying to fool me.

* * *

another one from the hospital. i was trying to comfort her telling her, that it was alright. since both abu and rabad love listening to their birth stories, i told them how i was hospitalized similarly when she was born.

me – see, i’m fine now.

rabad – mamma, i’ll have to come to hospital two times. one now and one when i have a baby

me giving her a high five – yes! just like me. i came to the hospital once for abu and once for you

rabad – oh, then i’ll have to come three times. one now and two for two babies…

yep! i should have seen that coming!!

rabad (she’s sitting and hugging my feet while i stand)- mamma, i like you very much. i like you more than i like myself.

who said i wont be using this forum to brag?

but seriously, can’t believe the layers that that one sentence has. obviously, the brag. but then the fact that she likes herself quite a lot. and that she has enough confidence to say that out loud. 

then again, maybe i’m reading too much into this. damn, i need some confidence lessons from this 4-year old.

So I go to his room and try to wake him.

“Abu, wake up, or you’ll miss TV.”

Abu stirs. Opens his eyes. Looks at me.

Frowns.

Then says, “I didn’t finish my dream!”

Short pause.

“I want to finish it.”

And goes back to sleep.

So here I am, thinking that I’ll let him sleep for as long as he wants.

The school bus comes every day. But, a dream that cannot wait, cannot wait…

that’s abu’s foot. this is a common occurrence in our household, so not to worry. we have a bone contusion which is not a fracture but deserves a plaster to be on the safer side.

so be it.

there’s more to this post than just “look, he hurt his foot.”

now, just because it’s a common occurrence doesn’t mean we deprive the children of our tender, loving care, ok? so, 4-5 hours in the last couple of nights have been spent listening to “ow, ow, ow it hurts” now, how it decides to hurt only at night, has always been a mystery.

how? the day before yesterday, abu, rabad and a couple of friends from the building, t-man and little-terror-a, were playing a game of “let’s break this huge, heavy loose tile into smaller pieces by throwing it on the floor” and one of the pointed pieces in t-man’s hands ended up on abu’s foot. of course, i tried to stop them, but a little too late.

anyhow, last evening i decided that i need to go for my walk and its high time (as the doctor recommends) that abu start walking around. i use my usual line, “i’m going down for a walk, you can join me or stay at home by yourself” usually this means, both of them come wagging behind and start playing with their friends when they reach down.

abu – ma you go, i will stay home alone…

rabad – i’ll stay with him, don’t worry. he’ll take care of me

me – uhhh…he needs to be taken care of, who’ll do that?

totally expecting an “aaaaawww” moment, i had a smile in my mind.

rabad – t-man! we’ve called him, he’s coming over in 5 minutes…

yep! the same t-man!!!

* * *
ps1. i think, they have set it in their mind, that older person takes care of younger, and t-man is few months older. outlook needs to change…

ps2. t-man was very, very apologetic immediately after he threw the tile and much later too.

we reached about 5 seconds before the anthem one sleeping baby in hand per adult. i rushed so i could keep abu on his seat before the anthem began to avoid standing with 15 kgs for another minute. aaaaaand succccess…!

Only for about 2 seconds that is…pride overtook relief.

abu was standing tall and straight for the national anthem. and went off to sleep after it was over.